We often hear of talk about growth, especially spiritual growth. Those of us who might not have a spiritual path or practice might speak of personal development or inner growth. Both approaches take us to the same place as we engage in conscious ageing—the place where we are continually asked to face challenges to our self-image, the concept of who we are. These challenges seem to come more fiercely as we grow older—physical changes, mental changes, possibly changes in our living arrangements or financial situation. These all call on us to respond in ways that reflect the years of inner development work, spiritual practices, and heart to heart conversations with our closest friends.
There inevitably comes a moment when we crumple or fracture or fray. We are human, after all. It may happen when we receive a frightening diagnosis, or we hear of a friend who has died, or when we come up against an “update” in our familiar technology that simply does not compute. Something puts us up against our deepest sense of selfhood. Even those of us who have been engaged in this inner/spiritual work for decades face these moments of adversity, possibly anguish. Our fortitude is tested. Our fund of inner strength seems depleted.
“But true growth cracks us open and strips away the last remaining bits of protective ego so that we can find that which is abiding, come what may.” This succinct reminder is based on an excerpt from Carol Orsborn’s forthcoming book, “Spiritual Aging”, due to be published in December by Inner Traditions. (I’ll remind you in December!) We become like a seed whose husk has split open to reveal the tender flesh inside, the germ that produces the shoot. We can’t see the germ because it lives underground, concealed deep within us. This is what abides, come what may.
Orsborn also reminds us, “In fact, we who are both old and conscious (ergo “conscious aging”) are asking the deeper questions, entertaining the more vulnerable truths, denying less than those who are living their advanced years on automatic pilot. We are the ones whose facades—even our advanced spiritual ones—are most prone to collapse against the evidence of the state of the world, the limitations on our aspirations and of course, mortality.”
While I certainly agree that we are asking these questions, I’m not sure we are “the most prone to collapse…” We are all, no matter our age or experience, equally prone to collapse with the “evidence of the state of the world…”. And just as certainly, we who have lived decades exploring inner terrain, and hopefully reducing the size of our pesky, though necessary ego, have a great deal of inner resource to draw on.
If your exploration of conscious ageing begins right now, you have the same seed—husk, germ and sprout—that those with decades of experience have. The crack is essential to the burst that occurs when the shell is split open. “There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in.” (Thank you, Leonard Cohen) That’s how growth happens. That’s how the paradigm of ageing shifts.
In that horrible moment of hearing the devastating diagnosis or news about your friend, that which abides comes shining through the crack. If today is your first step on the path of conscious ageing, or you have been leaving footprints on your path for many years, you can abide in that inner light.
In the News
A recent article in the Guardian brought up anger and sadness in me at the same time. Arwa Mahadawi, a 40-something journalist wrote about how we look…again. The article was a mixed bag of outrage at society’s ageism, her/our internalised ageism and shocking statistics.
Did you know that, according to Mahadawi, a well-known pharmacy chain has put age restrictions on some of its skincare products because kids as young as 10 are buying anti-ageing creams. These products probably contain ingredients that are actually harmful to young skin!
She also brings out that old cliche about “the ravages of age”. What exactly does that word mean? When I looked it up in the online dictionary, this is what I discovered: the destructive effects of something. "his face had withstood the ravages of time”. Please note the underlining of ‘destructive’ and the example about appearance. This is how we commonly think of ravages, though a hurricane could produce the same result on the surrounding geographical landscape. The message here is that time and age are destructive and wreck our appearance much like a hurricane. The fear of this damage to our outward appearance has Swedish kids under 13 accounting for 20-40% of customers of local beauty product brand. Such is the internalised ageism we live with.
Madhawi then pulls out another old cliche in the last paragraph of the article. “Internalised ageism doesn’t just harm your wallet and confidence; it can hugely affect your health. Indeed, a study from 2002 found that people with more positive self-perceptions of ageing lived 7.5 years longer than others. Embrace your subjective age (how old you feel rather than your chronological age), in other words. There’s a lot of truth to the cliche that you’re only as old as you feel.” (Italics mine.)
That set my teeth on edge! While I believe wholeheartedly that a positive approach to ageing, acknowledging its challenges and wisdom, helps us live more vibrant life, I don’t want to be told endlessly that the age I am, my chronological age, is worth less than my subjective age. My subjective age is what my unique chronological age looks and feels like today, in this moment.
Elder’s Bookshelf
Another fascinating read came through my letterbox recently and drew me away from the cozy crime I’ve been reading lately. It is a collection of essays, some short, others longer, written by “ordinary” people with extraordinary desire to grow old differently. The title was enough to pique my curiosity—
Sex, Death and Other Inspiring Stories: The Advantages of Age Handbook to Growing Older Funkily. Each of the writers has a different story to tell. Jumping from one section to another allowed each voice speak clearly to a different aspect of growing older—from “Glorious Complexity” to “Health Tales” to “The Last Taboo.”
The vulnerability of each writer strikes a deep chord. As we each step into our elder years we are confronted with various truths, about ourselves and about the world around us. Many of those truths are laid bare here in voices that are passionate, obstinate, weary, joyful and determined to age not only differently, but outrageously and courageously.
This book is a collection drawn from www.AdvantagesofAge.com. The website is full of delight and inspiration, while not shying away from the serious topics of growing older in a youth-orientated culture. One of several of my favourites is entitled “The Benefits of Having Friends Waay Younger Than You.” The author, with lots of tongue in cheek humour, tells us about sharing her wisdom with her younger friends while they worked together in a low-end restaurant. She unwittingly became their mentor, their Elder, their guide while enjoying their hopes and dreams without needing any of her own. She’s living them, now, in this moment.
If you would like to have weekly inspiration and support, please find here a link to “Ageing with Awareness: 52 Weekly Contemplations for a Year of Inspiration.”